Cyndi Scarlett in Baghdad

I struggle sometimes in understanding why God answers some prayers and seemingly not others - why some suffer - and others don’t.

I heard this week about a childhood friend who has been battling breast cancer for years who now has another reoccurence - one of many.  She’s a wonderful  wife and mother - her precious children and family have such faith for her healing.  Many have prayed for her - I have prayed many times for her. 

I find myself questioning this so much - and even being disappointed in God - although I know this isn’t right.  I know that I’m alive today because of the prayers of hundreds of people all over the world.  I have no doubt that no less people have prayed for Cynda - in faith, and believing for her healing.  I believe in prayer. I know that God answers prayer.  I admit I don’t understand this.

I know that now we see through a glass darkly.  I’m looking forward to the day that all will be revealed and I will have answers to some of life’s most troubling questions.

After my recovery, I heard from people all over who had prayed for me - people I don’t know.  People participating in Bible studies - church congregations - friends of friends of friends.  All cared enough to pray consistently for me.  I had no idea all of this was going on.  I didn’t know much of anything that was going on.  But God heard those prayers and I’m alive today because them.  People say I was a real fighter.  I don’t remember it that way.  One of my clearest memories during my illness was telling my parents I was tired of the struggle and wanted to go.  But God had a different plan.  I admit I think about this often and wonder why I’m alive and what I can do each day to make my life count for something.

I would ask that everyone reading this pray for Cynda and her family.  Please have your friends pray as well.  We need to make this a matter of urgent prayer.  Please pray for God’s healing touch on her life. Please pray for her strength as she goes through yet another round of treatment.  Please pray for her children.  Her husband - and her parents.

Blessings to everyone!

Last week I had to go down to Southern Iraq to give a presentation at one of the “Regional Embassy Office’s” or REO.

Pretty much now the only safe way to travel is by helicopter and as you might have seen on the news, even helos have come under fire and several have been downed in the last week or so. 

I was scheduled to fly the day following two having been shot down.  The crew that was flying me were part of the same squadron that had lost their lives.  It was a pretty somber 45 minute trip down to the REO.  We were pretty much all on high alert the entire trip.

We arrived safely in Babil (part of Babylon) in one of their largest towns called Hillah.  The REO is housed in a large, and I understand the only, hotel in the city. This is a bone of contention with the local government who understandably wants it back.  The Blackhawk lands right in front of the hotel. One could feel quite special being whisked around from place to place and put down right in front of where we need to be.  It’s not nearly as glamorous as my trip back will show.

I arrived in the afternoon with one of my USAID colleagues.  We spent the afternoon discussing a way forward for the presentation the next day. We’re in the process of rolling out a national montioring plan that we’ve put together for USAID.  It’s been developed for each governorate, or what the US calls “province”  for what is called “provincial reconstruction teams”  or PRTs.  There are pros and cons of implementing programs at this level - mostly pros, I think but our job is to evaluate what’s being done and provide recommendations for a way forward.  Folks have many questions about what we do and many want to be copied on our findings - which isn’t going to happen in this lifetime.  It pays to be highly discreet for a variety reasons!

The day after our arrival, we had our meeting. It was well attended.  I have a power point presentation about what monitoring and evaluation is all about and what exactly we will be looking at in their areas. The meeting lasted about 3 hours after which  we headed back to the REO.  I didn’t feel at all unsafe from the locals but did feel hugely unsafe the way the PSD team were driving - cutting off traffic - sirens going - and for what”?  We used the Department of State security - not my own. 

Back safe and sound on the REO, we found out that we hadn’t been manifested on the flight back and therefore it would be highly unlikely we’d be able to leave until the following Monday (a week later).  Hmmm - lets see if this is good use of my time?  I take a 45 minute flight down to the REO, give a 3 hour presentatives with questions and answers and somehow find out it’s now going to take me another 6 days to get home?  How hard can it be to get on a helo and fly 45 minutes?  Harder than I thought.  I was about to have a real adventure. 

The sergeant on the flight line really wanted to help and decided that he could get us on the helo “Space A” - which means space available.  The helo was going to another FOB called Echo to pick up some more passengers and then on to Baghdad.  Echo is run by one of our coalition partners - not the US.  We got to Echo and put down for two hours until dark.  We don’t fly when the sun is setting for security reasons. Because we are flown by the military, they always want to know what our “quivilent rank” would be IF we were in the military.  I’m told my equivalent rank is a Brigadier General.  I’m not sure what that means but is does sound quiet nice.  If push comes to shove, as it did, I’m supposed to outrank most others and get on a flight.  Until I opened my big mouth…

The Prime Minister of the coalition force (Poland) had been visiting the day we landed and he with his entourage arrived on the flight line wanting seats on the helo going to Baghdad.  There are always two helos flying together in case one goes down - and now we are also flying with Apache attack helocopters as well, although they don’t put passengers in the Apache’s.  The two Blackhawks can handle 20 passengers in total and it seemed to me we were well on our way back to Baghdad.   While the Poles have their own helos do you think they wanted to use them?  No… “lets go with the Yanks” - granted, we fly as protected as possible with the latest equipment but wouldn’t one think that they would have given all of this thought before bringing the Prime Minister to the base?  Guess not.  We were asked if anyone would be willing to give up their seat…  me being me, said sure, I’d give up my seat thinking how hard can it be to catch another helo?  If I’d only known!

As I watched the helos lift off without me, I was sure I’d be on the next flight out.  There were helos coming in and out of there all the time - huge Chinooks - medivacs - Blackhawks - how hard could it be?  None were going to Baghdad and while I could have gotten on, I’d have been flown further away instead of closer and could have ended up sleeping or trying to, on the desert floor somewhere.  The kind folks at Echo provided billeting for me - such that it was - but I did have a bed.  Shower facilities quite a hike away, but no towels… a base full of Poles and Mongolians.  I didn’t even KNOW we had the Mongols here!  Very few US servicemen and women.   I was told that “there should be a flight tomorrow….”  tomorrow didn’t come for three days.  So, there I was - no way to shower, no internet connection - couldn’t use my computer to work… you might say I was a little cranky.

I finally got on a Blackhawk two nights and three days later - but  Baghdad was going to be the 4th stop.  We hit our first stop at sundown so had to  wait until dark before we could leave.  By this time, I’ve become friends with some of my traveling companions.  We decided to take off and find the mess hall somewhere on the base.  We eventually found it - and found that this base was also run by the Poles - with a few El Salvadorans thrown in for good measure.  Everyone was very nice but we had to wonder as we were wandering around this base whether or not it was secure.  No one stopped us asking who we were and where we came from.  The only time we had to show our ID’s was when we went into the Mess Hall.  Strange to me.  Granted, the perimeter of the base I’m sure has been secured and I suppose that one can’t get on it without the correct ID but it still seemed strange. 

After eating we sat down and talked with our flight crew about their experiences.  They flew Bill O’Reilly when he was here - and guess who happened to be here with him?  I suppose you already know this, but I didn’t.  John Kerry happened to be here at the same time and while they weren’t traveling together, ended up on the same flight together.  Interesting to me, these guys had no time for Kerry - and loved O’Reilly.   They flew Hillary when she was here - found her to be very difficult but felt it was due to her being very afraid during the flight.  They said she looked like a deer caught in the headlights.  We had a good laugh.   They didn’t have much good to say about her - or her staff who took photographs even though they were told not to - due to flying blind at night and any flash of light is visible to the enemy.  They weren’t impressed. 

I find it very strange that at least with this flight crew, two of the three visitors who are anti-war were dissed by these guys - and the conservative, O’Reilly, was loved.   It’s interesting that many would want us to believe that the troops don’t want to be here - don’t believe this is a winnable war - and don’t support this Administration.  I haven’t found this to be true and I ask every soldier I meet because I really want to know. I don’t think they’re just being “politically correct” - I believe they really mean it. 

You all know my feelings about this war - but we simply have to give Bush’s plan a chance.  While the situation here seems to be getting worse instead of better, I’m thinking it has to - we have more troops on the ground - we are now forcing the Iraqi troops to step up to the plate so of course there’s going to be more fighting, more casualties as we route out the bad guys.  I’m more hopeful than I have been in a long time that just maybe we will be able to bring some control to the country.

Back to my trip - after dinner at the FOB, we took off after dark, flying blind and landed on three more FOBs and refueled once before landing inside the IZ.  What should have been about a one hour flight from ECHO, took six hours.

I wish I could say this is an exception but unfortunately, it’s the rule.  Traveling around Iraq is not easy.  At one point, my security team was going to drive down by road and pick me up - but I couldn’t let them do that as there’s one well known stretch of the road they’d have to travel that is very dangerous.  So, I waited - and am telling myself that once again, I’m having to learn to be patient…. something I guess I’m not learning well -or quickly!  I guess God is going to keep pounding me with experiences to make me patient until I learn.  

Blessings to all of you!

We’re all waiting to hear what the President is going to propose as his new plan for Iraq in the next few days.  Word here is that he is going to ask for more troops, no surprise there. 

There is much debate already on TV as well as by our Congress men and women with it appears most coming down on the side of a phased plan to reduce the number of US troops here.

I spent the last few days asking a variety of local people here what they think and the answer continues to surprise me.  Granted, I’m talking to the highly educated who while there are many highly educated Iraqis, it appears most who could get out have long gone and those that remain are sharply in the minority and actually quite persecuted.  Education has become unfortunately a real issue with the clerics telling the masses of uneducated people that follow them that if the educated weren’t here, they, the uneducated, would have work.  It doesn’t quite work that way - as we all well know but this is what is believed.  It’s quite sad really.

At any rate, the Iraqis that I talk to are extremely concerned about the US troops pulling out.  While the world and indeed many Iraqis want us out of here sooner rather than later, those I talk to are convinced that once we pull out, this country will digress into all out civil war that could rage for years and cause divides that will never heal.  Many believe that the reason some Iraqis are vocal about our leaving is because they know as long as we are in the country, they cannot wreak the havoc on the people and country that they would like.  It is clear to most that I talk to that Maliki does not hav.e control of the armed forces, the police - or the country.

At the same time, one has to ask why would we want to continue spending millions, billions in fact, of dollars sending in more military troops to try and bring greater stability in Iraq when there doesn’t appear to be the political will to address the factions that are causing most of the violence - that of the sectarian militias.

I’m now six months into my stay and I’d have to say that the opinions I formed early on haven’t really changed.  We should never have come to Iraq, that much is clear to me, anyway.  Now that we’re here however, I wonder how in the world we can simply pull out - whether or not the government has the ability to govern effectively or the political will to do so.  It seems to me that we came in here grossly unprepared and underestimating the role that politics, tribe, history, culture and faith effect everything that is done here.  We’ve created a mess - that’s clear - no matter that Saddam is gone from power and won’t be coming back…  we’ve opened up a whole Pandora’s box of issues that we have not been able to deal with effectively and now the very law makers that voted to bring us here want to simply pull out and leave this mess behind?  I find the cut and run strategy extremely troublesome. In the bigger picture, whether we like it or not, stability in the middle east is in our national interest.  By destabilizing Iraq, we have in effect destabilized the entire middle east.  I fear we are going to be reaping the consequences of our actions for years to come. What a mess…

Blessings to all and Happy New Year!

I had the dubious “honor” - to attend the trial of Saddam Hussein, Chemical “Ali’ - and six other defendents today.

Security was extremely tight - none of which I want to describe in detail but included not one but three total body scans like some kind of bionic imaging for all attendees including the VIP’s (who I went with but am definately NOT one of) - suffice to say, he and the other participants in the trial are as well protected as I believe they can be, at least inside the court room. 

This is the second time Saddam is being tried.  The first trial ended with a guilty verdict and a  sentence of death by hanging. Currently, he and the co-defendants are being tried for the gassing of the Kurds in 1987.  Usually, I”m told there are witnesses in the morning and a review of documents in the afternoon.  Today however, was spent in reviewing documents. 

The docuemtns put before the court were chilling.  Memo after memo after memo usually between the then head of military intelligence (who is a defendent) and the President’s office outlining in detail the planning and execution of the use of chemical weapons.  I remember seeing a picture of a little Kurdish girl lying on the ground dead, perhaps some of you remember seeing that too.  Her little face kept flashing before my eyes as I listened to the reports being read of the number of deaths and casualties  and as I listened to the written words of Hussein telling the Minister of Defense to be sure to use the “special weapons” to maximum effect against the communists and Iranian sympathizers - which as the Lead Prosecutor reminded us meant the Kurdish people.  

Saddam sat there watching the entire proceedings quite dispassionately it seemed to me.  Later I asked the JAG if that was his usual demeanor.  She said yes - that after the verdict of the first trial, he has been quite unengaged in the proceedings.  Sometimes, he goes off in a rant that has nothing to do with the proceedings but rather are political messages.  He did not do this today.  I did not hear him speak.  It’s clear that “Chemical Ali” knows he’s fighting for his life.  He was up debating the prosecution within five minutes of the opening remarks.  The judge let him go on for a while.  He was trying to make a point that the documents that were being reviewed were being reveiwed out of context and therefore should be disregarded.  I thought the judge and prosecutor really kept their cool.  Eventually he was asked to sit down and told that there would be time for him to speak at the end of the review.  The defense sat there in silence.  Every once in a while, one would lean over and say something to the person sitting next to him - or someone would take a note - but they had nothing to say about what was being presented. 

I couldn’t help but wonder as I watched and listened via simultaneous translation what was going through the heads of the defendents.  I know that under our judicial system, everyone is innocent until proven guilty but how I wonder is the defense going to make a case for these men when the memo’s are there signed by the defendants. 

I’m told that some people believe this trial won’t be completed.  The result of the appeal is supposed to be coming down within a couple of days - and by law, the sentence has to be carried out within a 30 day period.  I’m aware there are high-level talks about when and where the hanging will take place.  It has to be public otherwise it is believed the Iraqi people won’t believe he was put to death.  I can’t imagine the Iraqi government hanging him anywhere but in the IZ.   The coming days should be interesting.

While I can’t say I enjoyed any part of my day today, I was acutely aware that I was seeing a very small piece of history being made. Seeing something that some day will be written about in history books.  Tends to make one feel very insignificant…

Blessings to all this Christmas season.

We’re back to innovative job creation in the IZ - but one can’t fault the USG for wasting money, no siree!

Our road cleaners are now using palm fronds and can be seen to be waving them back and forth across the roads here.  Can you imagine them reporting to work?  “What am I doing today?”  “You’re cleaning the streets.”  “Where’s my brush?”  “See those palm trees over there?”  “Pick one, shimmy up the trunk, pick yourself a frond and carry on with your duties.”  I thought the guys with brooms were a sorry sight….  I can’t fully explain what it’s like seeing grown men going down the road - dozens of them with palm fronds in their hands “sweeping” the road - or as my personal security manager calls it, “stroking the road.”  When they’re done, they just leave the palms on the road - I guess that’s OK - they’ll eventually become like the dust they were supposed to be sweeping up. 

I wonder, we see millions of $$ of equipment in here every day doing all kinds of things.  While I realize that this is about job creation more than anything,  if keeping the roads dust free is so important, wouldn’t one think that they could bring the big machines in here with brushes to do this?

I know I owe you all a very long blog about my coming and going here.  I just simply apologize.  I meet myself coming and going and find there is so much to do that I simply don’t have the time to sit down and thoughtfully write about some of the things that I am experiencing here.  Hence silly little blogs like this one!

I do promise that I will get around to it one of these days!

Peace to all,

I realize that I haven’t written for a while - for which there is a very good reason.  I got to go home for six days over Thanksgiving and surprise my parents and friends. 

While the trip was surely not long enough, I was also able to attend my home church in Kansas and hear my new pastor preach which was a delight.  I was reminded once again just how much I have to be thankful for - not the least of which is my family and dear, precious friends who are too many to note here but you all know who you are.  All of you have been such a blessing to me, some going back to my childhood - others newer friends but no less precious.  Thank you again for all of your love and prayers when I was sick and during my recovery and now as I work in Iraq. 

When visiting my folks in Oklahoma, I was able to stop by the hospital and see one of the doctors who was instrumental in saving my life on more than one occasion as well as some of the hospital staff that had taken care of me.  Some didn’t recognize me - which felt great.  Unfortunately, I happened to get sick and ended up in the same hospital again on Thanksgiving night.  A CT scan showed I had a pretty serious bowel obstruction - which I could have told them without the CT scan just from the pain.  I guess the ER doctor told my folks that more than likely I’d be headed to surgery, the nursing staff thought I’d be heading to surgery - the radiologist and CT tech thought I’d be heading to surgery - but no one took into account that we know the greatest healer ever!  Lots of prayers were prayed I know that night and by morning, I was almost back to normal.  When they took me to have a follow up CT scan, the radiologist couldn’t believe it.  He showed me the one taken not 12 hours before and said that it didn’t even look like the same belly.  God is so good, isn’t He?

One my way back to Baghdad, I happened to get caught up in the Bush visit to Amman.  I had a booking made at my favorite hotel over a month ago.  What I didn’t know is that it must be Bush’s favorite hotel as well.  I arrived by taxi to a scene that looked like Baghdad - tanks - heavily armed soldiers - road blocks… finally got inside and was met by I don’t know how many secret service agents standing around talking in the lobby.  When I finally got to reception, I found that my reservation had been cancelled by the State Department.  I wasn’t happy.  I asked to speak to the person who had cancelled the reservation.  Apparently, the President’s security detail likes to take over the entire hotel if at all possible to ensure his safety.   But, come to find out, they only do this to US citizens - because they know they can get away with it.  They can’t touch foreign nationals or else there’d be a scandal.  So, go figure - US citizens are now more a security threat than foreign nationals - at least in the eyes of the secret service.  Does this make sense?  No.  I was not the only one by a long shot that had their reservation cancelled.  The State Department did make us reservations elsewhere  - but no one seemed to know where.  I was told to go to one hotel only to get there - find it full and no, I didn’t have a reservation.  Of to the next place - where I did have a reservation.  All is well that end’s well but I must say I am not impressed with the arrogance of our government.  But then I haven’t been impressed for a very long time.   I was on the plane from Paris to Amman with Brian Williams and his team from NBC nightly news.  I did not talk to them as it just didn’t seem appropriate.  He looks a lot older in person though!

So, now I’m back at work.  I owe you a blog on my trip to Babylon - and yes Miguel, there really is a Babylon here.  Ruins and all.  That was a hair raising trip for more than a couple of reasons.  I promise within the next day or two, I’ll write about it.

Blessed, blessed thanksgiving to all of you. 

Several weeks ago I met this woman at a conference who gave me a huge compliment - sort of…

She came marching up to me at the break and asked me, even before introducing herself if anyone has ever told me I look like Marilyn Monroe.  No, I said, no one had ever said that to me.  She couldn’t believe it - telling me that clearly I do - yada, yada, yada - I told her I don’t see it at all when I look in the mirror  - to which she said - “Oh clearly, had Marilyn lived to be your age, you would look exactly alike!”  Thanks a lot! 

Monday, I flew down to Babil (where I’m still located on a job - more about that later).  Knowing I was going to get right off the Blackhawk and go into a meeting, I wore a skirt.  When I got on the copter, the engine was off - no big deal.  A Captain sitting across from me, leaned forward and told me that we’d be stopping to refuel half way down to Babil - that we’d have to get off the bird - and that I was going to have a “real Marilyn Monroe moment on my hands if I wasn’t careful” - I knew immediately what he meant.  Unfortunately, he was right - before I knew it, my skirt was somewhere up over my head as I jumped off the helicopter - in front of oh, about 10 crusty old soldiers - who all got a good laugh.  I’m sure NONE of them had any doubt that I bear no resemblence to our dearly departed Marilyn at that moment.

I am aware that I have not been keeping everyone current on my life here and I do apologize.  Things have been very hectic.  I will try my best to write about my trip here to Babil when I get back to Baghdad later this week.  I have just two days in Baghdad before heading to Amman for a conference - will take just a few days off - and then back into Bahdad in time to host Thanksgiving dinner at my house. 

Blessings to you all!

It’s been an interesting day here today.   We have all been on high alert expecting the worst given the verdict in Saddam’s trial and it hasn’t been as bad as one would have thought.

This morning on my way to church there were road blocks with tanks set up in multiple places - I haven’t seen that in at least a month - not the tanks anyway.  I don’t really know what they were doing there as they let me pass without even asking for my ID. Perhaps they were looking for someone specific, I don’t know.

I was in the kitchen when the verdict came down - and knew it had because all of a sudden horns started honking - and AK 47’s started being fired all over the place (a common way to celebrate here) - sure enough, I turned on the TV in time to see the live coverage of his sentence coming down.  I found his reaction to be defiant on one hand, and yet there was fear there too - perhaps he now knows how the 1,000’s of people he had put to death felt. 

The curfew remains in effect.  I don’t sleep much and heard the tanks rolling out around 30 minutes ago - they usually leave the IZ around 5am so I thought it was time to get up - then found it was only 2:30.   I would imagine we’ll have another day with the curfew.  There did appear to be quite a bit of mortar fire last night.  We could hear it but it didn’t appear to be coming into the IZ.  My security manager said word was the Sunni’s were shelling the Shites  - and the Shites were shelling the Sunni’s (they tend to live in different neighborhoods - which is a relatively new  thing here since 2003, before they were pretty much all integrated).

Folks here don’t seem to think that this appeal process will go on for very long - and that more than likely Saddam will be hung within the next two - three months.   One has to wonder if that will be a public thing.  I can’t imagine being here if/when that happens. I understand from my local colleagues that they are looking forward to Saddam’s death because they believe only once he is dead that he truely will not come back to power.  It’s kind of a weird thing.  They wish on one hand he were BACK in power - because at least there was some type of law - and yet they want him dead.

Blessings to everyone!

As my dear father has gotten older, he seems to have been a bit fixated on being sure that he has enough money to bury he and my mother - he is determined that he’s not going to leave expenses like these for us kids to worry about. I’ve never really understood that - but that’s the kind of Dad he is.

Talking about having money to bury oneself.  Day before yesterday was a rather slow day - I’d been busy, busy making a variety of deadlines, which, by the way, were made - so I told my Assistant that he could go ahead and leave early. 

I noted that he had been on the phone several times during the morning, but he kept working and never said anything. When I told him he could go, he thanked me profusely.  He told me that his brother-in-law had been shot earlier that morning and killed on the way to visit another brother who is handicapped and blind.  He was very thankful that I suggested he leave early as his family was needing him to take care of things.

I was shocked and asked him why he didn’t tell me earlier - he said he didn’t want to miss work.  Can you imagine? I offered my condolences and told him to take as much time as he needed off and he left.

This morning I decided to sleep in a little - I didn’t sleep well last night - had been up at my usual 5am - and decided around 7:30 to go back to bed and read.  So, I did.  I got up about 9am got dressed, went into the office and there sat my assistant working.  Now today is a Friday - the Islamic Sabbath.  I asked him why he was here.  He said that he felt he needed to come to work because he had missed yesterday and he wanted to thank me - and his family thanked me for allowing him the time off.   He is so dedicated. 

I asked him how his family is doing - he said OK - that he has a large extended family and they are all visiting.  I asked him if I could give him some money to help with the expenses.  His reply?  “No, we have everything covered.” Nowadays he said, most Iraqi’s have death insurance because they know it’s likely they’ll die.  Now, this is a young man - he must be in his 30’s no older.  Planning ahead is a good thing - but planning ahead for the reasons they are planning is something else entirely.  In discussing the situation a little more, so much came out about his life - life in Iraq today - the militias - who he says are nothing but terrorists - in fact, he says they are worse than the Bin Laudin terrorists because of how they kill and what they do and how they terrorize people. 

I find all of this devastating to hear quite honestly.  How does one deal with stuff like this?  How can we fix it if the leaders of this country don’t want it fixed.  My assistant says that Iran and Syria are mostly behind all of this - at least he believes so.  Of course that’s nothing new to us.

He doesn’t understand why the US allows this to go on.  I hear this from every Iraqi that I talk to.  Now the US will say that Iraqi’s just don’t want to take responsibility and fix this mess themselves.  But then one has to ask well, who put them in this mess?  My assistant, who is Shia’a, is married to a Suni.  He said that there has never been trouble before about marriages between Suni’s and Shia’a but now, the different religious factions are making an issue of it and he wonders how long it will be before his family is killed because of it.  I just can’t imagine living this way.

I keep t hinking that I’m going to see something positive going on here - and believe me, I do look for the positive.  I’ll be sure to sure to write about it if I see even a glimmer of hope….

Blessings to all